Questioning the self-shaming inner voice
One of the most valuable habits I’ve developed from the Book of Spells webinars is questioning the self-shaming inner voice statements I hear myself saying (or thinking).
Listen to these statements:
- “I’m still beating myself up for that.”
- “I wanted to play my guitar but I kept sabotaging myself.”
- “Every time I get ready to ______, I just ‘should’ on myself. I stop myself in my tracks.”
Chances are you say the same or similar things – out loud or in your head – fairly often. But are these true statements?
Sagittarius tells us that if we know the truth, the truth will set us free.
The current 18-month period of eclipses in Leo-Aquarius aims to awaken us to our inner divinity. Since the nodes are the ‘trigger points’ for eclipses, the trine between today’s Sagittarius Full Moon and the North Node in Leo signals a creative opportunity to take another step in your own awakening.
Stop Holding Yourself Accountable for Thoughts and Feelings That Are Not You!
From an identity/personality perspective, these statements may appear to be true.
You do seem to be sabotaging yourself. You can’t seem to stop beating yourself up internally.
From an essential self standpoint, however, these statements are false. Why? Because who you really are – your essence – is the timeless, eternal energy that exists beyond and prior to what we call, in this incarnate form, ‘myself’.
Your essence is a manifestation of God, Great Creator, the Life Force. And Great Creator doesn’t curse his own creations. He doesn’t feel ashamed of what he has made.
In fact, all of these “I” statements emanate from the invisible but very real parasitic entities that invaded human consciousness thousands of years ago. Most of these thoughts – and the debilitating feelings they evoke in us – don’t even belong to your personal experience. They were implanted in early childhood through the toxic shame you absorbed from your elders.
Healthy shame happens when we have crossed someone’s boundary or betrayed our own integrity. It arises to help us develop self-control and to serve as a reminder to maintain integrity in future situations .
Toxic shame is created when we are accused, punished, abandoned, humiliated, or treated with contempt and made to take accountability for something we were never responsible for. It’s the most effective technique the parasites have developed for controlling humanity and harvesting our life energy.
Toxic shame is devastating. It’s in us. It’s incredibly painful. But, because it doesn’t result from something we did that we can make amends for or learn from, we infer there must be something fundamentally wrong with us. Toxic shame convinces us that we are inherently sick, weak, bad, or unworthy.
By the time you achieve some degree of rationality, around age 7, you have learned to feel responsible for the “sins” of your ancestors. You now hear the parasites reinforcing your badness and unworthiness in what you have learned to think of as your own inner voice!
Pretty insidious, huh? If that doesn’t make you angry enough to make a decision to rise up and start living your dream….
The good news is: you don’t have to put up with this any more.
Shine like the Sun
“Exuberance is beauty” – William Blake
Leo tells us we don’t have to match up to someone else’s arbitrary standard of perfection to honor and celebrate ourselves. Leo doesn’t concern itself much with supposed individual flaws. It celebrates its own beauty and creativity and, in its boundless enthusiasm, invites the rest of us to feel good, too.
Pure Leo energy doesn’t need an excuse to celebrate itself. Like its planetary ruler the Sun, Leo knows that its ability to bring light and life is worthy of adoration. “Here I am,” says Leo. (Now, everybody clap!)
Here’s a simple tool that will totally transform your world, if you use it often enough:
- Next time you hear a self-shaming or self-blaming statement in your head – or coming out of your mouth – STOP!
- Ask yourself, “Who is really saying that?”
- Remember that your essence self does not blame or shame you.
- Reformulate the “I” statement in a way that removes the false accountability you accepted when you were too young and too small to defend yourself.
I tend to rewrite the “I” statements as:
- “Those (parasitic) bastards were beating up on me, telling me I wasn’t good enough.”
- “I wanted to play my guitar, but the parasites kept tricking me into doing ‘honest work’ instead.”
- “That ‘internalized dad voice’ in my head was ‘shoulding’ on me and it stopped me in my tracks for a while.”
How you rephrase the statements doesn’t matter that much. The important thing (a) is to do it in a way that shifts accountability back to where it belongs and (b) to keep coming back to this practice.
Oh, and watch for this one: You do it for a while and then you forget. A few days go by and you catch another false “I” statement. The immediate parasitic response will be to shame you for not being good enough:
“I should have remembered the I statements! I‘m such a loser. I can never do anything right.”
Let me know how your experiments go! And I’d love to hear about any techniques you’ve come up with to keep you awake and alert and help you remember that the shaming/blaming voices in your head are not the real you.