What I Did With the Total Solar Eclipse, Part 2
You might have guessed that She isn’t my wife. But She isn’t really my mom, either. Although both of them have played that role for me, She is really a phantasm.
Dictionary definitions of phantasm include:
- a creation of the imagination or fancy; fantasy;
- a mental image or representation of a real object;
- an illusory likeness of something. (Dictionary.com)
She is a an illusory likeness, a mental image created – by my inner child, one could say – of the wound in my soul that compels me to treat others’ emotions and needs as primary, and my own as secondary.
Now, it appears to be true that I learned this behavior from my mother first in this lifetime. But I know that my mom and I have a soul contract about abandonment and self-abandonment dating back at least several hundred years to a lifetime in Tibet.
It’s also über-clear in my birth chart that overcoming a karmic or past life tendency towards self-abandonment is the core lesson of this lifetime.
Astrology Shows Us the Moments We Can’t Afford to Miss
(By the way, it’s fascinating how clearly our major soul lessons show up in the birth chart. And how, once you’ve articulated the soul mission in your chart, you begin to see just how multidimensional it is. It shows up in past life regressions, it’s there in childhood, you recognize its presence in the lives of your ancestors. It’s liberating, in a weird way: you realize that most of your ‘failures’ were inevitable and that none of your experiences of being betrayed or victimized were truly personal.)
I’ve been working on healing this pattern of self-abandonment for a decade or more. And I’ve been slowly making progress. I want to show you how astrology (the study of the quality of moments in time) can help us to notice and appreciate important moments in our lives. Because many times the difference between staying stuck in a limiting pattern or moving on into more freedom and joy comes down to whether or not we honor the messages Life is giving us.
The Leo total solar eclipse on August 21, 2017 formed a Grand Trine in the fire signs with Saturn and Black Moon Lilith in Sagittarius and Uranus in Aries. This Grand Trine has been reactivated several times since the eclipse, as first Mercury (retrograde), then Mars and Mercury (direct), and then Venus have all moved onto the eclipse degree (29 Leo).¹
In this particular pattern, Venus and the Node were conjunct my Leo Ascendant (personality, character, identity) while Uranus (the Awakener) was retrograding back into a conjunction with my natal Moon (mother, the soul, security, family patterns).
My natal Moon is in the 9th House (philosophy, spirituality, beliefs), conjunct Saturn (restriction, fear, authority, mastery). Putting this all together we could read:
Venus (creativity, beauty) and the Node (destiny) in my 1st House (self) are working with Uranus (awakening) to rewrite the limiting (Saturn) beliefs (9th House) about life written in the soul contract with my mother (Moon). This fulfills the promise of the eclipse in my 1st House (self, identity) by bringing about the end of an old cycle of personality. It is empowering me to reframe my identity based on who I really am, rather than warped by the fears of my parents and ancestors.
Money = ENERGY
I experienced a major revelation last October during the Prosperity Sessions webinar series I co-hosted with yogi Ra Ma Kaur. We both wanted to talk about the idea that money is really only a symbol for energy. Meaning: if you’ve got money problems, you need to address your underlying energy problems.
I’ve been familiar with this concept for many years but it wasn’t until I heard Ra Ma speaking it out loud during the workshop that I finally got the puzzle piece I’d been missing. I had always assumed that my self-esteem issues and the deep belief in my inherent unworthiness I’d inherited from childhood was the stumbling block. What I realized during that webinar was there was a much simpler way of looking at it:
My money issues were a result of a lack of energy. And the lack of energy was a result of my lifelong tendency to give my energy away to anyone who claimed to need it.²
I experienced Venus’ wake-up call the morning after I created Feeling Your Way as a congratulatory call from the Cosmos. “Hey, check it out, buddy: You did it. You didn’t self-abandon and look what happened! We’re calling so you don’t give in to the temptation to downplay the importance of this moment.”
Did I instantly receive the “large sum of money”? No. (You’ll know when the money arrives. You’ll probably hearing me shouting “Yeah! See – I told you!” all the way from here.)
What I did receive is even more valuable in the long run. I got the formula to make as much money as I want to manage. It’s simple mathematics:
more energy available to focus on what’s important to me =
more money/resources/support to do what’s important to me.
So what is important to me? Now that I’m rich, what am I going to do with my life? Make music, (without the former burdens of shame, guilt and fear). Making people laugh – while teaching them how to live spiritual and joyfully creative lives — from my deep personal experience of what works and what doesn’t.
I’ll be traveling more – much as I enjoy my quiet time at home alone and my play time with the kids and family, I’m a gypsy soul. I do miss being on the road.
And I’ll be using astrology and hypnosis and my shamanic tools. Because they’re gifts I’ve developed over many lifetimes and I truly love helping people move out of shame and fear and into living the life of their dreams.
Oh, yeah: And I’m creating a one-man show that brings all these threads together. But that’s a story for another day.
What’s important to you? If you knew you were abundantly supported by the universe, if you had enough time and money do what you want to do, what would you be doing? Let’s start a conversation in the comments section.
1 – Grand Trines are considered to be among the most favorable possible aspect patterns that can happen in astrology. Jump back
2 – Obviously I wouldn’t give my energy or my power away if I didn’t have self-esteem and unworthiness issues. But there’s something clear and concrete about seeing the challenge in pure mathematical terms (energy = money) rather than in the less quantifiable language of psychology.