This is always a weird time of year for me. Traditionally, the month when the Sun is transiting your 12th House is a time of retreat from the world. It’s a time to meditate, review the past, dream into the future, and generally slow down and reflect. (I’m a Pisces Sun sign, so Aquarius is the 12th House in my solar chart.)
Maybe it’s because of the eclipses, but this year’s 12th House transit has felt even more draggy than usual. I have been engaging in some (mostly unstructured and spontaneous) review, though.
Last night I was looking for a folder to put some music notes in. When I was finally able to move into my new home office space in 2017, after the sewage flood had been remediated, I dug out some folders I’d used to store lyrics and sheet music in and put them on my bookshelf, thinking I’d eventually repurpose them.
I hadn’t opened them since, but last night I pulled them off the shelf and started looking through them.
The first notebook contained lyrics I’d written in the late 1990s and early oughts. Some of them made me cringe — but some of the songs contained interesting ideas. I found a few hand-written lyrics \that had turned into ‘real’ songs and ended up on one of my first two albums. That was kinda cool.
Definite Master Purpose
The second notebook contained a wild variety of meditation instructions, notes on various techniques for expanding one’s consciousness or gaining enlightenment….and a dozen pages I’d written in the winter of 2004 detailing my vision of what I thought was my “definite master purpose.” (The definite master purpose is one of the core philosophies of Napoleon Hill, author of the self-help classic Think and Grow Rich.)
At the time I wrote those pages, I was sleeping on my friend Matt Brady’s couch on Melrose Ave. in East Los Angeles. I had arrived at the end of my last tour as a traveling musician, a tour which had dramatically failed to live up to expectations. I was broke, burned out, and feeling pretty hopeless. Matt happened to have a workbook based on Napoleon Hill’s ideas lying around and he suggested I read it. “Couldn’t hurt,” I thought. And I spent the next week sitting at a makeshift worktable in Matt’s garage, in the shadow of the 101 freeway, doing the exercises in the workbook.
That was a rough time for me. I had quit the corporate world, I had quit drinking and smoking, and I was starting to see my life’s purpose. But I was in total denial about how much inner work would be required to remake myself into a person capable of actually accomplishing this vision.
It’s hard to look back at times when you felt particularly broken by life. Which is probably why I haven’t looked at those notes much in the intervening 14 years. But last night I was drawn to read the opening page of my notes, in which I had detailed what I saw as my definite master purpose. Check out what I wrote:
“I AM here on this planet to lead the people out of the darkness and into the Light. They have fallen into the darkness of separation, contraction, identification with the mind-made false self. Their normality is insanity of pain, fear, doubt and worry, unending violence. I bring to them the antidote of love and the realization of Oneness. To accomplish this purpose I use the Power given to me in music, words, sound and visual arts. The intent encoded in my music directly inspires them to leave behind attachments to compulsive, conditioned mind patterns…my words point them to freedom.”
I’m aware of a certain level of grandiosity in my thinking at that time – a trait Alice Miller identifies as common in adults who have not dealt with childhood abuse. But, man! Out of the darkness there must come out the light, as Bob Marley put it.
I felt a little bit shocked at how closely that purpose aligns with what I see as my purpose today.
Makemake-ing a New Reality
In Lorna Bevan’s 5D astrology report on the February eclipses (sign up here), she writes about the importance of seeing ourselves as who we are: part of a tiny group of outliers who are making up the new global paradigm as we go along.
Lorna sees the recently-discovered dwarf planets orbiting beyond Pluto in the Kuiper Belt as archetypes that were discovered now because they are instrumental in the further evolution of human consciousness. (The other named Kuiper belt dwarf planets besides Pluto are Eris, Makemake, and Haumea.)
I go through phases of working closely with the Centaurs (such asNessus and Pholus) and other far-out astrological archetypes. But I haven’t paid much attention to the other dwarf planets. I looked up some of Lorna’s writing on these archetypes and the first one that came up was Makemake.
“Makemake seems to facilitate a new birth in consciousness, a new way of life that is entirely outside our existing paradigms,” Bevan writes. She goes on to say that people with prominent Makemake placements often risk alienation from society because they are able to access a quantum level of information that is perceived as a threat to the status quo. And yet: this information is so real to them, they feel compelled to share it.
On a whim, I looked up Makemake’s placement in my birth chart. And found that it is conjunct my Ascendant (my persona, character). Or maybe it wasn’t a whim, because I realized next that the January 31 lunar eclipse was exactly conjunct my natal Makemake (within five arc minutes or 1/12th of a degree).
I thought about my own persistence in pursuing my unique vision of life. I thought about the years of being willing to go without so many of the things Americans take for granted as necessities – house, car, job, wife, health insurance, stability, money – because the drive to understand my inner vision was so compelling.
What I wrote in 2004 seems shockingly true to me today. Most people are living in a mind-made hell of separation, contraction, darkness, and violence (often expressed in the form of mental and emotional self-abuse). All of my life, I’ve wondered at how people buy into the limited, contracted version of reality that passes for mainstream society. It’s so obviously fabricated by parasitic forces that use it to keep us enslaved and powerless. It’s so evidently arbitrary, made up.
Anyway, I decided to look up where Makemake will be at next week’s Aquarius solar eclipse and found it will be at 4 Libra 32′. Which is conjunct my natal Jupiter by one arc minute (1/60th of a degree). I don’t know what that means, but it feels disruptive, and exciting, and quantum physics-y in the extreme.
I hope you are keeping your faith and hope alive. Remember, we are on the leading edge of the leading edge of an evolutionary quantum leap, the likes of which hasn’t been seen on Earth for maybe tens of thousands of years. If it feels like an intense ride, that’s probably because it is. But how lucky are we to be here now? And how badass are we to have signed up for this?!