Sun + Saturn = Owning Who I Am??

Retro-Analysis of Sun-Saturn Opposition

So, the Gemini Sun made an exact opposition to Saturn in Sagittarius on Friday night (May 22, 2015). Both planets were between 1 1/2 and 2 degrees of their respective signs. My natal Sun is at two degrees Pisces – meaning both transiting Sun and transiting Saturn were square my natal Sun.

Sun-Saturn aspects are not typically “fun times”. Saturn is the taskmaster, the judge, the stern boss. The Sun symbolizes the Self. The Sun is hot, full of energy, radiant, vibrant. Saturn is cold, dark, and distant. So put these two together and it’s usually a recipe for two or three days of lowered vitality on the physical plane, along with perhaps more negative thoughts or more critical internal dialog than usual.

bossmanWhen Saturn makes a hard aspect to your natal Sun, this dampening effect tends to be magnified. The feelings of fatigue or physical pain are often accompanied by a sense of being burdened, oppressed, or even depressed.  A typical Saturn-natal Sun transit might go like this:

We have been working very hard for the last 10 days (leading up to the exact opposition) and yet we look around and see little reward for our efforts. “Why am I even doing this?” we ask. “No matter what I do, I’m just screwing things up.”

Sometimes the inner critic gets really loud during a Saturn-Sun transit. “You are such a loser! You’re never going to lose that weight. No wonder Billy Joe left you – who would want to be with a failure like you?”

It can get pretty ugly.

Over the last week or two I experienced my fair share of the typical Saturn-Sun negative effects. Couldn’t sleep. Woke up feeling tired every day. Worked my ass off, putting in some 12-15 hour days trying to keep my business at least marginally afloat. Wife got strep throat – had to take her to the doctor one day. Had to take kid to the dentist the next day. Still had to work. Then kid got sick. Still had to work.

Inner dialog: “Whatever you put out there, it’s just going to backfire….Oh great, there’s another half day you’re not going to get anything done.” Yuck. I know those thoughts aren’t going to bring me more of what I want, but there were periods where I just couldn’t shake them. “The man’s too strong,” to quote Mark Knopfler.

Saturn’s Gift: CLarity About Who I am and what i radiate

rayoflightThere’s this astrological truism that says: Saturn is a tough teacher but he always leaves a gift at the door – if you’ve been a good student. What astrologers mean by this is that while a Saturn aspect is building towards culmination, you’ll often have to work and persist, fall on your face and pick yourself up again, then work and persist some more — all without making much (apparent) progress. No one praises you for all the extra work you’ve been putting in at the office after everyone else has gone home for the day. Five people show up at your gallery opening and no one buys a painting. You work so hard to give your child a better life and he rewards you by throwing tantrums every night that week. Or, after driving her to rehearsals for the school play every evening, she blames you for something you didn’t do and spends all day Saturday sulking in her room.

But if you stick with your Saturn task list, once the aspect has culminated, you suddenly find this gift waiting for you. Depending on the planet and houses involved, it could be an out of the blue promotion at work, an unexpected chunk of money coming in, an evolutionary leap by your child that validates your parental sacrifices, or a big artistic breakthrough.

Yesterday, the day after both the Sun and Saturn had cleared my natal Sun, I was talking to a trusted advisor and friend. We started discussing the reaction I’d gotten to a recent video I’d posted on YouTube about the May 2015 Saturn-Nessus-Mars T-square and how it has been playing out in my life and in the lives of two much more famous people. (More on Nessus:  The Ultimate Anti-Hero)

Under the Influence?

When I made the videos, I was basically in the grip of a Nessus-style outrage. “I’m not going to be held down anymore, dammit. I’m not going to keep waiting until my audience is ready for me to be who I really am. I’m not going to keep doing what I’ve been doing for the last 10 years, just because that’s what they want from me! I can’t freaking take it any more. I’ve got to be me!”

So I put on some crazy face paint and hollowed out my cheeks and between the face paint and the chronic lack of sleep, I looked, well….Let’s just say some of my long-time followers decided I was drunk. Some figured I was high. Some thought I was on acid. And others wrote me worried emails asking if I were suffering from an undisclosed disease.

I’ve written openly about my sobriety over the years and I’ve also been radically honest in talking about my own struggles with parenthood, relationships, money and negative thought patterns. So I was a little disheartened that long-time readers would just assume I’d gone off the deep end without having the courage to tell them.

What Morgan (very kindly) explained to me was that even if I knew what I was doing – creating a piece of performance art that involved putting myself into a hypnagogic state and channeling the energy of the Nessus archetype – probably at least half of my fans and customers didn’t know.

I countered, probably a tad defensively: “But I’ve been telling my readers I was going to do this kind of thing for two or three years now.!”

Yes, she said , but can you see how seeing you like that could be shocking to many of your readers? They didn’t have the context for what you were doing, because you didn’t give it to them.

The more she talked me through it, using her experiences as an improv actor, the more I started to get it. See, I have been writing in my blog and email newsletters that I was going to change my public identity. That I needed to break free of the role I had created for myself as the nice guy spiritual teacher everyone can relate to and hardly anyone dislikes. That I needed to play more music and let more of my inner beatnik/goofball out on stage. That I wanted the freedom to say what I feel and to write about what interests me right now, regardless of whether it ties in to astrology or spirituality or not.

“Well,” Morgan said, thoughtfully, “if you just came out and set the context clearly, I think you could do more performance art without alienating the people you don’t want to alienate. What if you just wrote a post and said:

“I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer do things the way I have been doing them. From now on, performance art, music, and storytelling are going to be an integral part of what I am doing as a public self, rather than occasional diversions.”

Whoa! “That’s so simple!” I blurted. “Why didn’t I think of that? You’re a genius!”

So, that’s what I’m doing. I’m going to keep writing about astrology here because I love astrology and it’s one of my gifts and I want to share it. In fact, just switching from my old website to my new personal site has radically reinvigorated my desire to write about astrology! Who knew?

But I’m going to write about the astrology that interests me. I’m going to stop trying to put out what I think everyone wants to hear and instead I’m going to write from the heart. I’m going to talk about my personal experiences with the planets. Whom I believe to be living non-organic Beings who communicate with us and (for the most part) want to help us evolve into the radiant Beings we could be becoming.

Because that’s who I really am. That’s how I learn – by observing how the various astrological transits and aspects and patterns affect me and the people in my lives who have shared their souls with mine.

So, thank you, Grandpa Saturn (and Mars and Nessus). It all seems so obvious now, but without your ruthless pressure, who knows how long it would have taken me to own this truth about myself that is so central to me being able to live my own dream?

From now on, performance art, music, and storytelling are going to be an integral part of what I am doing, rather than occasional diversions.”

Notes

Did you get any clarity over the weekend?

It’s not just me – a Scorpio friend also had a major ‘clarity experience’ just as the opposition between transiting Sun and Saturn culminated over the weekend. A very similar experience to mine in that, after years of confusion and self-analysis and spiritual work with very little material world progress to show for it, she was suddenly able to articulate – in one sentence – what she feels her life’s purpose is.

Saturn + Sag + 10th House

This process is a good example of how Saturn transits of the 10th House work. Saturn is the archetype of authority and responsibility. Sagittarius is the archetype of the higher mind, belief, and optimistic, exuberant expansion. Saturn demands that we face our fears and decide if we are ready to take responsibility in the life area he is activating in our chart. He says, “Either you step up and become the authority or I’ll have to give you an external authority figure to keep you in line.”

All Pisces Sun natives have Saturn transiting the solar 10th House for roughly the next 2 1/2 years, except for this summer when Saturn briefly retrogrades into Scorpio. Saturn in the 10th will bring rewards for our hard work over the past 15 years, if our career and public personas are aligned with who we really are. Good Saturn questions to ask during this transit:

  • Am I doing my life’s work, or am I doing what I think I’m supposed to do in order to be successful?
  • Am I ready to take responsibility for being the author of a career/public persona based on my beliefs about reality?
  • Am I so committed to my truth that I will face any adversity, including – especially – the inner critical voices that tell me that trusting my inner guidance is foolish, reckless, not permitted, and will lead to no good?

 

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